Baby Chinchillas Are Cuter Than Human Babies
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Look, we love kids. We have nothing against babies. But if you think human babies are cuter than every other baby animal, think again. Baby chinchillas are at least three times as cute as the cutest human baby.
The chinchilla facts don't lie. Just look at the hard evidence. If you still disagree, tell us: How does it feel to live in denial?
Look. I Made Dis
Anyone who has ever seen a newborn baby knows that they look pretty odd. Their heads aren't even head-shaped at first.
Baby chinchillas are usually born in pairs, and they have fur right off the bat. They open their eyes and begin walking around like mini versions of their parents within an hour of birth.
Already, they have a leg up on baby humans.
Is Your Mini-Me Fluffy? We Didn’t Think So
Speaking of fur, chinchilla fur is the softest in the world. It's ultra fine, with between 80-100 hairs per follicle. Humans only have one or two.
Unfortunately for chinchillas, their fur is so soft that it was in high demand in the fur trade for decades, nearly running the species to extinction in the wild.
Baby Chinchillas Are Like Guinea Pigs, Only Softer
Just like guinea pigs, chinchillas are from South America. They're native to the rocky Andes Mountains, preferring elevations between 9,000 and 15,000 feet.
Their natural habitat provides plenty of rock cover, plus all the grass, seeds, leaves and insects they can dream of.
We remain skeptical, however. They look way too cute to be real.
And Rounder
The chinchilla can honestly say, "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy." A full-grown chinchillas weighs under two pounds, with females growing larger than males.
They all resemble curious pom-poms with eyes and a tail. Can your screaming naked mole rat say the same? Hmmm?
We thought not.
Their Noses? Boopworthy to the Max
Human babies have better eyesight than chinchillas, but so what?
Baby chinchillas have them beat in smell, hearing and even touch.
Their Whiskers? Lush
Seriously, those long whiskers come in handy. They can detect the subtlest of pressure changes, picking up vibrations from predators heading in their direction.
Meanwhile, human babies are completely helpless for years. Even if a toddler can run, they wouldn't hesitate to take candy from a total stranger.
Another point for chins.
Baby Chinchilla Paws Are on a Different Level of Cuteness
Admittedly, babies eventually become much more intelligent than small rodents, but their hands aren't nearly as cute. Chinchilla paws are like tiny human hands, only with four fingers and no thumb.
These little fingers are adept at grabbing onto sticks, toys, snacks and anything else you hand them.
Don’t Forget to Take Your Chin Out to Enjoy the Scenery
Taking a baby out for a walk is a whole ordeal. You have to pack a diaper bag, changes of clothes, bottles, toys, and so on and so forth, only for them to cry throughout 50 percent of the excursion.
No appreciation of ambience whatsoever. Chinchillas will appreciate the scenery so much that they might eat it.
Baby Chinchillas Don’t Cry When They Need Something, Either
When a neighbor brings home a new baby, everyone on the block knows it. Babies are loud.
Chinchillas are vocal too, but in a cute way. They squeak to express happiness, and let out a chatter or bark if they feel threatened or scared.
They're not silent animals, but their vocalizations won't keep you awake for the first six months of their lives.
They’re as Close to a Living Stuffed Animal as You Can Get
If you want a Squishmallow that actually moves, a chinchilla is the pet for you. They have big, round eyes, chubby faces, and soft ears, plus a long, floofy tail to pet. They don't need a heat lamp or any special equipment. Just a simple, multilevel small pet cage that's at least 3 feet x 2 feet x 2 feet will do the trick.
Keep the cage in a cool, low-humidity area and fill it with soft bedding, preferably made of dried pine or paper. Change it about once a week to keep your chinchilla happy and healthy and avoid unpleasant smells.
If that sounds like a lot of work, let us know how long a diaper genie lasts before it starts to reek.
For Studio Ghibli Fans, They’re Essentially Tiny Totoros
Yes, they look like miniature versions of one of Studio Ghibli's most beloved characters. #Twinning.
It’s a Whole Thing
The resemblance is so uncanny there are chinchilla dust bath containers made to look like Totoro.
Chinchillas need to take dust baths regularly to keep their fur clean and dry, and they do this all by instinct.
When given access to a container of specialized dust, they'll hop in, flip around, and prance out looking fluffy and fresh.
They Look Even More Like Totoro as They Grow
Chinchilla? Where? We only see a row of Totoro figurines.
We're not saying you should hide your new pet from your landlord, but you probably could in a pinch.
Chinchillas Come in a Surprising Array of Colors and Patterns
The most common chinchilla color is a dark blue gray, but they also come in chocolate, black, white, beige, ebony, violet, and mottled patterns known as mosaic. Just to name a few.
It’s a Good Thing They’re Cute, Because They’re Best Kept in Pairs
Having two kids is way more expensive than having two chinchillas. They each need their own rooms and college funds, but chinchillas just need a spacious enclosure and plenty of hay.
Alfalfa, timothy hay and orchard grass are their favorites.
Trios Aren’t the Worst Idea, Either
Are you sure we can't adopt all of them? Because we're about to order 30 chinchillas. Send help.
The Best Part About Baby Chinchillas? They’re Just as Cute When They Grow Up
Not to dent your self-esteem or anything, but we're pretty sure you were cuter when you were 3 than you are now. Chinchillas age so much more gracefully.
Full-grown chinchillas look just like baby chinchillas, only bigger. We love them.
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